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Saturday, March 10, 2012

“Sponsor's Apprentice": a terribleminds flash fiction challenge

This weeks terribleminds flash fiction challenge is to write and post a 1000-word flash fiction story before Noon EST, March 15th, (this one totals 1000) using 10 of the following words: 
Beast, brooch, cape, dinosaur, dove, fever, finger, flea, gate, insult, justice, mattress, moth, paradise, research, scream, seed, sparrow, tornado, university.


            Tour groups always made me want to scream, and the junior-high groups were the worst. The gaggle of boys who slouched in front of me during my talk on falcons all wore the same rumpled skater clothes and the same cow-stupid expression. They expected to be entertained, not educated. Nothing I did, short of pulling an Xbox and big-screen out of my gauntlet, was likely to make an impression. I gave the talk anyway, mostly ignoring the two right up front who were chatting over me.
            “You should be more respectful of him,” one of them sagely told his buddy. “He’s a dinosaur, y’know.”
            I almost took offense to that until I realized he was talking about the bird on my glove, instead. These guys didn’t look clever enough to craft left-handed compliments.
            “Is not,” his friend said, apparently ignoring my existence altogether. “He’s a falcon. And not even a very big one.”
            “Well, falcons are birds, and birds are dinosaurs. Just look at a bird’s skeleton and a dinosaur skeleton. You can totally tell.” He paused as if something profound had just occurred to him. “You’re an idiot.”
            “Shut upYou’re an idiot.”
            “Thank you for coming,” I lamely offered as they moved off with the group to the next station, still declaring their mutual idiocy. As they went, they scuffed their feet through the gravel, leaving dark furrows I’d have to rake back into place later. One of them turned back just to give me the finger.
            What charming citizens.
            I tried not to sigh as the next kids rotated through. It was bad form to look bored around the guests. Skipper, the kestrel I was holding, didn’t seem to mind. Sitting on my gloved thumb like a brown-eyed fluffy peach, he bobbed his head in that ridiculously-cute way kestrels have, and I grinned. He always made my day better. The tour group would leave soon and I could take him out to the parking lots for a little hunting. If I flushed a sparrow for him, his day would be better too.
            I really did love this gig, and would probably do it even if it wasn’t my job. I was lucky to have found a university with such a fantastic raptor research facility on campus. Being a general-class falconer—and at twenty-three, only a year away from master already—had made me an easy pick for this job when the departments were filling their work-study positions, and my boss was glad to have someone she didn’t have to train from scratch, for once.
            The next—and thankfully last—group was girls who cooed over Skipper like pigeons on a seed pile but paid no more attention to me than the boys had. When they moved on, snapping their gum at the world with slack-jawed disdain, I was free. I already had the whistle and most of the gear; I’d just grab a baggie of tidbits and a bush-beating staff, then head out to the lower parking lot by the gym, and….
            “Umm…Mr. Grainger?”
            Thinking there was no justice in the universe, I turned back to find a skinny dark-haired girl nervously lingering by the display. She’d been at the rear of this last group, gazing intently at the big falcon poster the whole time. I wasn’t sure she’d even looked at Skipper, which is unusual, given raptors innate charisma. “Yes, can I help you?”
            “Do you ever, I mean…that is, I wonder if you’d consider, umm….” Her face flushed bright red and she picked obsessively at the button on her shirt cuff, not making eye contact and looking as if she wanted to bolt. Then her eyes locked on Skipper and she lost her train of thought entirely. The cheeky little beast actually chirruped at her! I defy anyone to convince me that kestrels don’t know how cute they are.
            “Did you have a question?”
            As if entranced, she spoke directly to Skipper. “Mrs. Harris said you’re a, umm…. Do you take apprentices? ‘Cause I, uhh….”
            It was the first halfway-thoughtful question I’d been asked all day, and the last thing I wouldve expected from a group like this. But then the spiel kicked in. “Falconry isn’t pet-keeping. You have to hunt with your bird, and there’s a long process to go through before you get one. Most sponsors don’t let their apprentices start with kestrels: weight management is really tricky on the little hawks, and it’s easy to make a fatal mistake….”
            She was already nodding but it wasn’t that false patronizing acknowledgement that teens are so good at. This was earnest, as if she was anticipating me. She swung her backpack down, fished out a dog-eared, tattered paperback and handed it to me. I smiled in surprise as I recognized it. It was a copy of Beebe’s “A Manual of Falconry,” one of the first falconry books I’d ever read, and it was well-loved. Its pages glowed with yellow highlighting. Notes crammed its margins.
            Her initial nervousness forgotten, she puffed up with the resolve to prove her worthiness. “I have my triple-beam scale, bath pan, swivel, perch, leash and glove. I’ve read all twenty-eight falconry books the county library system has, some of them twice. I can tie the falconer’s knot and make anklets and jesses. I made my own bal-chatri trap; it’s got forty-seven nooses I tied myself. My grandpa has a farm just down the street from my house, with starlings; he traps and kills them but he said he’d give me some live ones to help train my bird with, and he doesn’t put poisoned bait out, so I could hunt her there once she’s trained. I made flash cards with all the questions for the state test and I’ve been studying nonstop for the last six months. Ask me anything.” 
            Her intensity was formidable. I’d never had such a young apprentice with such drive. Only in eighth grade and she already had the fever.
            I smiled. “Want to go hunting?”

Sunday, March 4, 2012

“Learning to Fly”: a terribleminds flash fiction challenge


The terribleminds flash fiction challenge for March 2, 2012: shuffle a random song. That random song becomes the title of your 1000-word story, which you post to your blog. My song is Pink Floyd’s “Learning to Fly”, and this story is exactly 1000 words.

Name’s Floyd, and my message is this: exotic animals are cool and all, but it’s important to understand what you’re getting into first, before things get…complicated.
I mean, reptiles are fun, but they have limitations. You can’t take a lizard outside to play (at least the ones I had) without the risk of it shooting off into the nether reaches of the yard to die of exposure or get got by a cat. I even tried harnessing one but all that did was make him look stupid before he wriggled out of it and wedged his skinny butt halfway down a mouse hole. Added bonus: the hole had a slug in it so when I fished him out he was all gooey. Biggish snakes can give great neck rubs but most of the time they just lay there. Fairly cool, but boring.
So I took up falconry. Lot of time and expense involved with falconry. It’s the sort of thing where the people who do it know just how cool they are for doing it, so are frequently disinclined to share their coolness with newbies. But I persevered and got a hawk, and learned that this sport was indeed every bit as cool as I’d thought it was. After a year I let my bird go and got another one, which is pretty cool too: don’t like the bird you’ve got? Trade it in for another: no muss, no fuss. But there are laws about what you can and can’t hunt, and where, and when; and then the owners of the best hunting place you’ve found decide they don’t want you hunting there anymore, so then what? It’s not like good rabbit fields grow on trees…or something.
I hadn’t found my thing yet. I wanted an animal hobby but normal animals just didn’t do it for me. I wanted to do something with cool animals but nothing seemed cool enough. Well, you can imagine my utter surprise when, one night this last February, I was downstairs enjoying a nice toasty fire and a shot of nice oaky scotch when a not-so-nice black spiny dragon the size of a cocker spaniel marched across the room (from God-only-knows-where) like he owned it.
I suppose, being an apex predator and all, even a little dragon has a right to think he owns whatever patch of real estate he finds himself on at any given moment. I mean, breathing fire does pretty-much trump whatever claws or tools or what-not some mere mammal might bring to the party. And when the surprised mammal suddenly blows a mouthful of alcohol at the dragon, the startled dragon reacts quick! and snorts a fireball that, well…I didn’t like those slippers much anyway.
So now I have a dragon. How cool is that?
His name is Rax, but I don’t know how I know that. It just popped into my head one day. He started out sharing the cat’s bowl. Then the cat abruptly decided she’d rather just stay in the bedroom, so I got her another bowl and left it by the dresser. Then one day a week or so back I realized I hadn’t seen her in a while and, well, apparently cats and dragons don’t cohabitate. I’d thought that scorch mark in the hallway was the result of a dragonling’s hiccup, but maybe not.
Rax graduated to Alpo a week after the cat went missing, then advanced to hamburger. After a growth spurt took him from Cocker-size to Rottweiler-size he ate bigger meals, but less often. The guy at the supermarket meat counter sure is chatty now. If he’s paid on commission I’m probably putting his kid through college.
But let me just say, there is something outstanding about relaxing on your couch with an oaky scotch and your Great Dane-sized dragon loyally sitting at your knee with his head across your lap. His eyes are bright purple, by the way, and the pupils are vertical. He purrs like a ’69 Mustang.
He climbs like a squirrel, too: a predatory, armor-plated, incendiary squirrel. I came home from work one night to find him lounging casually atop the refrigerator, having knocked off every box and bottle to make enough room. A punctured two-liter of Coke was still a fizzing fountain in the middle of the potato chip and cereal-strewn floor, so this was a recent accomplishment. I have no idea how he got up there, but apparently he didn’t stick the landing: if all that scratching and clawing isn’t his doing, then someone stopped by my house just to key up my fridge with much enthusiasm. I guess stranger things have happened.
By June he still hadn’t flown yet but my house was clearly getting the raw end of this deal. I took leave, and Rax and I went camping. I rented a van because now he was as big as a draft-horse. (Since the waterbed incident he’d been mostly confined to the garage.) The van-rental people won’t be happy: I can probably kiss that deposit goodbye.
I drove up the mountain to a dead-end Forest Service road and set up camp. I’d just gotten the fire going when Rax sat on his haunches and snuffed it out with one awesome stroke of his wings (apparently the next four flaps were just for effect). He said he was stretching. Then he strolled into the trees, swishing that fifteen-foot-long tail dismissively when I meekly suggested he not go too far. He came back an hour later with an elk. The coolest part? When he dropped it in front of me, it was already gutted and grilled medium rare. Sweet.
The next morning we hiked up to the cliff-top, admiring the scenery and the warm wind on our faces. It was a beautiful day; the thermals would be epic. He looked at me and dipped his shoulder invitingly. I got on and we flew.
I think we’ll stay here for good. I have a dragon. How cool is that?